Uggh, Need to Develop Pictures

So after three straight days of farewell parties (mine, Jon's, and Jason's) from Wednesday to Friday, I had a chocolate party with the community kids and took them out to the movies on Saturday, and said farewell on Sunday morning. I could describe more (but unfortunately there are no pictures to show you these things), but its not too difficult to describe lots of food, song/dance tributes, and a lot of good-byes. Filipinos love there dancing and ridiculous amounts of food at their parties.

Now Jason and I are here in Los Banos (two hours south) with three other teammates who we met during the first week of orientation. It's really tough leaving an awesome community, it's great to meet up with old friends and visit the ministry here.

Mix of emotions. Miss my host family a lot already.

I'm Thankful for....

To be honest I don't feel like I have actually done anything really significant other than experience Filipino culture quite thoroughly. However, I was talking to Ate Lina (the mother of my family) today and she got quite emotional explaining how she was thankful for the time that I've spent here. And when someone thanks you for doing something you are not too sure what you've done, it definitely makes you reflect pretty hard.

• I think my interaction with Ate Lina was really great since it was in the context of talking about a message Dario presented last night in Matthew 6 (Do not worry...), Ecclesiastes 12, and Isaiah 40. She also shared her story of how she trusts God with her family. It's pretty inspiring.
• I have come to a semi-conclusion that where I felt like I have done nothing, and Ate Lina was moved is a direct reflection of affluent vs. two-third world societies. The book I am reading, Companion to the Poor, has a chapter wondering why Matthew 5 says "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," as in why the poor are blessed. I think I've come to recognize that the poor need a lot less to be moved by God's provision. Where I need something pretty near to miraculous to happen before I feel significant, Ate Lina was simply thankful for my presence with her family. That's pretty incredible, seeing God's presence practically everywhere.
• Ate Lina has been praying for her family (her husband and four kids) for many years and gradually God is transforming each of their lives - when I can find a picture of the family, I will share what Ate Lina has shared with me. I am pretty excited for when the whole family can worship God and be a blessing to their neighbors and friends. If I see that day, it's going to be pretty exciting!
• I realize that truly adapting to a culture is pretty hard. Food, relating to people, noises, smells, weather, language barriers, different value systems, mosquitoes, and getting sick compound each other to make a pretty intense experience that is not like home. However, as I continue to reflect about my time here, there is one thing I'm really thankful for. I am really thankful that I got to thoroughly experience Filipino culture this time around and in this experience see the gospel transform lives (through house churches, bible studies, and conversations with my family). The poor are blessed because the hope of following Jesus is much more significant. Not only are they following in the "spiritual" sense, but they are learning to trust God with their whole lives. Seeing this process in the local communities has been pretty awesome.
• I am really thankful for my family as well. All of them have welcomed me warmly into their house and given me space to rest. They have been great. Yeah, I'm going to miss them. Here here to the last week!
  

The Worst Time to be Making Decisions

So it's pretty official that I am emotionally attached to the family I'm staying with and will greatly miss them and the neighborhood children as well. The send-off bash plans is to have a chocolate party (I'm not too sure what this means, but I think there will be chocolate) on Friday and treating some of the kids to a movie on Saturday night. Send-offs are so bittersweet.

Sunday is when Jason and I will take a few days to visit other Filipino ministries and the last few days will be for debriefing. Time flies!!!

And then back to the US for reverse culture shock......
I can't believe I'm already speaking of the end (still another two weeks in the Philippines), but the main part of this trip will be over in just a few days.

Bed Rest Musings

So just more day in the sick house, I am returning to my community home tomorrow around 9AM. Yay!!! I don't know what this sickness has been about, but it has definitely given me some time to reflect and do a lot of reading - I finished the last two books of Narnia, and The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. And here are some thoughts I have gotten in the middle of my five days of rest.

• Jon shared a week ago how he clearly sees the need for people to trust God to provide for them on a daily basis, while in the states we kind of don't need God because we "have everything." I definitely agreed with the statement when I first heard it because it just simply made sense materially. Upon further examination, this is also a spiritual truth. It first challenges me by this question: How will God grow you in trusting Him, when you can already meet all your own needs - mentally, physically, and spiritually? If I can provide for myself, how difficult it is to recognize God as my provider!
  
• Furthermore, The Heavenly Man shares how oppression in China against Christianity and the lack of freedom spurs people to follow God at the cost of their lives. In my freedom I'm simply thinking in terms of quiet times, quality of prayer, and quantity of actions. By having all taken away, following God has eternal ramifications. In having so much, following God can easily mean so little.
• Being sick is my Achilles Heel. It simultaneously takes away my motivation to follow God because I'm resentful for the lack of rest and moves me toward trying to be more productive because I can't handle being grounded. And that's what has happened the past few days. It is a lot tougher for me to enjoy God's presence now because I reason that if I were to spend time with God's presence, my head wouldn't feel foggy nor would I feel sleepy. At the same time, I refuse to rest - I need to do something "productive."
  
• I thank God that He brings us back to Him through Jesus. Though I have felt all these frustrations and feel convicted of thinking silly thoughts, I repent of all of this and want to return to His rest. It's the same thing that gets me multiple times, summarized well in The Heavenly Man: "Ministry had become an idol. Working for God had taken the place of loving God. I hid my condition from those who prayed for me and carried on in my own strength, until God decided to intervene in his mercy and love" (pp 198). Being moved by the love of God or the love to work for God outwardly looks very similar, but is most telling for the heart... is the one I serve myself or God? and the symptoms are pretty clear. If I do things for the love of God, only joy and peace can flow from this. But if for the love of working for God, then only resentment, bitterness, and pride comes with this. I thank God for this time of sickness and reflection. I seem to have gone down this path of working and doing as many things as possible for the past few months and have been worn out by it. In His grace, may He return me and refill me with His love, and it is this love that overflows to others.

In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
-Psalm 31:22

"Overflow" by sahadk
http://www.caedes.net/Zephir.cgi?lib=Caedes::Infopage&image=sahadk-1231335857.jpg

I Smell Like a Protestant

One of the things we are encouraged to do is give a fifteen minute presentation on a passage in the Bible at our house church meeting (mine being on Wednesdayn night). So I prepared a talk with all its bells and whistle. I made observations regarding John 13 (Jesus washing his disciples' feet), made some points and gave some cross-references. Finale! I threw down an application and closed with Philippians 2. Wala!!! It was a beautiful talk and would have made any seminary professor tremble a little bit. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I really prepared for this talk and I thought the delivery went pretty well.

However, upon assessing my talk, Kuya Willy was very encouraging about my thoughts; however, he said something that was pretty great. "You Smelled Like a Protestant." I think this phrase pretty much conveyed his thoughts to me as clearly as possible. It's not that my talk was bad or anything like that, but in serving the Catholic community, I was too confident in what I was familiar with. Protestants are known to love reading the Bible thoroughly, so making a lot of cross-references and closing with something outside of the message's passage made my talk kind of overwhelming for the community. I feel like there are lessons brewing from this point, but there is only one thing that is grabbing my attention right now. Strengths are only skin-deep. As well or as much as I do matters only if a number of factors are right. In the wrong social context, cultural understanding, moods, emotions, ambience, communication (all of which is pretty different in the Philippines), my greatest intentions and preparation can be reduced to mean much less. My strengths are only skin-deep. All else is grace.

Praise God He sustains our life by His grace.

And Then a Cockroach Bit Me in the Leg

Seriously. Very strange, I think I'm falling apart. The first thing to share is that I am doing much better. I went to the doctor's on Friday night and found that there is nothing too seriously wrong with me. I just need some R&R (still haven't figured out what that means yet, but I definitely want a lot of it because it sounds so good). And Kuya Willy is feeling a lot healthier as well, though his son David is now ill. The other thing is that when you feel at your worst, you can know what your true feelings are about something. Ask me whether I want to come back to the Philippines even after disease and a cockroach bite and I would probably still emphatically say yes, though I miss air conditioning a lot. Yeah, I love this place. Whoo - this would be more enthusiastic, but you can only get so much out of a sick person.

Thanks for your prayers and concerns. What I have is definitely contagious, so I am styaing away from the community for a couple of days. However, what is spreading is much milder than what I have am being inflicted with. Regardless, here is a big BOO! to sickness, thankfully people are getting better.

Down with the Flu

I am pretty bummed out right now. I am struggling with a low-grade fever and am really tired today and it looks like I might have come down with the flu. I don't know when this happened exactly, or what my exposure has been, but it has been physically difficult to adapt to living among the poor. I have had a cough for two weeks, and last night was when I started feeling really ill. The heat, smog, and mosquitoes have all contributed to a lack of rest. Please pray that I will get the rest I need as well as our team leader Kuya Willy (I think he has the same thing). Also, since we are being sick among the poor, it would be pretty disheartening if people get sick in the community since the opportunity for proper health care is lacking.

Thanks for your prayers.